| One of the things I meant to do when I | | | | musicians. It was run by a little woman |
| returned to Scotland four years ago was to | | | | called Angie, who was near the end of her |
| look up an old Scottish friend that I'd last | | | | career as a dancer. At this time she had a |
| seen some twenty years ago in London. In | | | | whip act with a guy called Dennis. It was |
| truth I had a whole hatful of ambitions and | | | | quite a skilful act, as he had to crack this |
| intentions on my list, and rather to my own | | | | whip around her throat from a distance, and, |
| surprise and to the utter amazement of my | | | | as she explained it, one little mistake and |
| wife and daughter, I've gradually managed to | | | | the whip would throttle her.Angie liked a |
| tick them off over the last few years. | | | | drink or two and always wore dark glasses. |
| Alright, I know you can't wait to find out | | | | She did not get on well with her partner. I |
| what was on this list, so I'll just run | | | | think he had once been more than her stage |
| through some of them briefly. First of all, | | | | partner, but now they bickered constantly, |
| since I was no longer a full-time musician, | | | | like an old married couple. Dennis was a big |
| having developed the guitarists version of | | | | man with a little goatee beard. He had a |
| tennis elbow, I needed something else to fill | | | | soft, whiney voice, like David Beckham but he |
| my time, and the only other thing I was good | | | | was mighty strong. I remember once giving |
| at (apart from snooker) was art. I had always | | | | Angie a lift in her minicar (she didn't |
| painted and sketched, mostly landscapes, | | | | drive), after they had had a row. He came out |
| although I rarely sold anything.I had an idea | | | | of the house and stood in front of the car to |
| that there was a market for pet portraits if | | | | make it stop and then twisted off the wing |
| I could reach it, and and the way to do that | | | | mirror with one hand and tossed it in the |
| seemed to be via the internet, so I bought a | | | | gutter. Then he just ambled off. A nice guy, |
| computer, digital camera, printer etc and | | | | really, I don't think he ever hit her.As I |
| hired a local company to design and run a | | | | said, most of the tenants were musicians. |
| website for me. After a while I realized that | | | | There was Maggie, who had a great voice and |
| it was much cheaper to design your own site, | | | | adored Billie Holiday. In fact everybody in |
| so I thought I'd have a go - how hard could | | | | the house adored Billie Holiday, except one |
| it be, right? Very hard, was the answer, as | | | | guy who was a second-hand furniture dealer. |
| anybody who has tried it will tell you, but | | | | There was George, another bass player, who, |
| after two years of HTML, jpg's, links, | | | | on being hauled up in front of the captain of |
| virus's, backache, eye strain and late nights | | | | a liner when he was working on a cruise, |
| I finally got the hang of it, although as a | | | | stood eyeball to eyeball with him and told |
| result of being self-taught I find I'm quite | | | | him that he (George) was just as good at his |
| knowledgeable about some aspects of | | | | job as the captain was at his. He probably |
| web-building and appallingly ignorant about | | | | was, too.Then there was Kenny Vick, who was a |
| others.Another project near to my heart was | | | | jazz guitarist. He was very fastidious and |
| the search for any survivors of the Scottish | | | | tidy, and would follow you about the room, |
| side of my family - a side I had lost contact | | | | picking up any bits of fluff or crumbs thst |
| with as a child. This was one of the reasons | | | | you might have dropped (a trait he shared |
| I'd gone on the internet in the first place, | | | | with my mother). He was a great player |
| and yes, there were still Collins's living in | | | | though.I learnt from all these people (with |
| the Edinburgh area and Cowdenbeath, where I | | | | the possible exception of the furniture |
| was born.When I made the trip down to Fife, I | | | | dealer, who nobody liked anyway), but the one |
| met my cousin June, who told me about my dad, | | | | I remember most is Lindsay Cooper. I remember |
| who I never really knew, and about my | | | | playing flamenco in a pub while he read |
| grandad, who was a miner (as all the men in | | | | Frederico Lorca poetry in English (his idea) |
| the area were before the mining industry was | | | | and I remember him dragging us all down to a |
| destroyed by the - but don't get me started). | | | | music shop which had a sale on. He insisted |
| Grandad was known as Tiger Collins because of | | | | that I buy a book of Bach's partitas and |
| his red hair. My cousin also told me that I | | | | sonatas for violin. I couldn't afford it but |
| had a half-sister who had been looking for me | | | | I bought it anyway. I still have it on my |
| for years, and was under the impression that | | | | bookshelf, and I would never part with it.We |
| I had emigrated to Australia.I had known that | | | | used to get together in someones room about |
| I had a sister but what I didn't know was | | | | once a week to talk about whatever came into |
| that she lived just twenty miles from where I | | | | our heads. One time the talk turned to South |
| used to live in England. I now know there are | | | | Africa. (This was long before the end of |
| Collins's across west to Glasgow and probably | | | | apartheid). The conversation was animated as |
| all the way over into Ireland and down to | | | | usual. Everyone had something to say except |
| Dublin in Cork, where all Collins's | | | | Lindsay, who said nothing for about half an |
| ultimately come from. I'm also connected to | | | | hour. Finally the talk died down and everyone |
| the Donaldsons (my middle name). The | | | | looked at Lindsay expectantly. He said |
| Donaldsons or Clan Donald were Lords of the | | | | nothing for a while, then cleared his throat. |
| Western Isles at the time of the Jacobite | | | | "South Africa's a turnip". There didn't seem |
| rebellion, but that's a story for another | | | | anything to add to that.Although he had a |
| time.Another idea that I had was to own a | | | | love of classical music he wasn't a great |
| collie and after I lost my Patch I acquired a | | | | traditionalist. He thought that the past was |
| border collie cross called Oscar and we've | | | | sometimes a hinderance to creativity. I |
| just bought a rough collie as a companion for | | | | didn't have his bold, fearless approach then, |
| him. We call her Daisy May. There are a | | | | and I havn't got it now. I remember asking |
| couple of items still on my list - I can't | | | | him, at one of our gatherings, how he could |
| find a decent snooker club and there are no | | | | ignore something like the paintings of |
| chess clubs within easy reach, but there is | | | | Rembrandt and he said he would get rid of |
| one idea that will never be realized. Lindsay | | | | them. I asked him how, and he said he'd burn |
| Cooper, my old friend from London died the | | | | them. Nobody said anything. Lindsay looked |
| year we moved up to Scotland.I found this out | | | | around, noticed the stunned silence and |
| recently when I finally got around to making | | | | hastened to make amends. " Oh, but with |
| a search on the internet. When I knew him he | | | | grrreat rrreverence", he said in his broad |
| was the spitting image of 'Animal' from Hill | | | | Glaswegian accent. |
| Street Blues - remember the little guy with | | | | |
| the dark hair and the droopy moustache? - | | | | Rest in Peace, Lindsay. |
| except he had the broadest of Glaswegian | | | | |
| accents. He played the double bass and also | | | | James Donaldson Collins James Donaldson |
| the cello. He played jazz but he also loved | | | | Collins is an artist and writer. He lives in |
| Bach.I'm talking about a time before I'd met | | | | the Highlands of Scotland with his wife, |
| my wife. I was very young and, it seems to me | | | | daughter and three dogs. His interests are |
| now, pretty dumb, but I was lucky enough to | | | | conservation, history, science fiction, chess |
| be living in a house of bed-sits - or | | | | and snooker. He also claims to play guitar |
| one-room apartments - peopled mainly by | | | | like a ringing a bell. |