| I am not talking about the abusive bully or the man | | | | She needs to understand what it like for a man out |
| with a character flaw, who possesses no | | | | there in the world, The world of men working with |
| compassion, is beyond feeling and has no conscience. | | | | men! Most men put great demands on each other. |
| I am talking about the frustrated man who yells at | | | | Most have little compassion for other men. Often, |
| this family, makes great demands on them, seems | | | | they gain great joy if they can put another man |
| always angry and frustrated. | | | | down. Even destroy him if they can. Teasing is one |
| This unhappy man is often the product of stress. His | | | | of the greatest joys men do to other men, usually in |
| actions are the reactions of trying to provide for his | | | | an unkind way. Many men have no consideration for |
| family, in an uncaring world that often demands more | | | | another man's feelings. If a man can point out |
| than he can give. He often feels that his efforts are | | | | another mans flaw; it gives the abuser a sense of |
| not recognized and that there is no reward for doing | | | | pride and makes him feel that he is better than he |
| his best. | | | | really is. Many men have large egos gained from |
| For a wife to live with this troubled man is very | | | | stomping on other men. Most men do not build each |
| difficult. All she sees is the consequence of his | | | | other up, they tear each other down and are not |
| unappreciated attempts to make it in the world. His | | | | always aware they are doing it. It is just tradition |
| frustrations and anger are often taken out on his | | | | passed down from man to man. They do not give |
| family. Why? Because his home is the only place he | | | | compliments, they try to embarrass and insult each |
| can get away with it. The only place he can vent his | | | | other. They were often raised with unfeeling and |
| feelings and try to get rid of some the pressure he | | | | unkind fathers or no father at all and grew up in a |
| feels. Home is the only place he hopes to be | | | | world of unkind men. They in turn, to survive, take |
| understood. | | | | on the characteristics of other flawed men because |
| For this man, an understanding wife is the best gift | | | | they believe this is how a man should act. They |
| he can have. To be able to come home to a wife | | | | believe they must be strong. This is being masculine. |
| who loves him. Doesn't judge him. Accepts him even | | | | This is being a man1 |
| when he's unkind and allows him to vent his feelings, | | | | The other thing about a man, some women don't |
| even when it's unfair, is probably the kindest thing | | | | always understand, is how difficult it is to make a |
| anyone can do for him. | | | | living today. There are enormous demands put on |
| Some women are unable to do this and it's | | | | them to perform. The fear of failure or of being fired |
| understandable. The problem we have is, the | | | | is a tremendous stress. The expectations put on men |
| frustrated man comes home from work wanting | | | | by themselves or their family members expectations, |
| peace, a safe haven from the world and no new | | | | is breaking. To provide nice homes, nice cars and all |
| problems. He is up tight. His nerves are shot and little | | | | the extras - like music lessons etc is overwhelming to |
| things will bug him, like seeing the kid's bikes | | | | most men. To know that so much is expected of |
| carelessly lying in the driveway. This makes him angry | | | | them and to know that they may not possess the |
| because it just adds to the pressure he already feels, | | | | abilities to live up to all those expectations is very |
| so he yells at the kids. Or, he notices that his wife | | | | hard on them. |
| didn't do something he asked her to do. It doesn't | | | | To be an understanding wife to this frustrated man |
| matter that maybe she had a hard day too. He | | | | is very difficult, but so important. To not take the |
| interprets this as her not caring for him, helping him, | | | | actions of her husband toward her, " personally", is |
| or understanding that he needs help. Exasperated he | | | | extremely difficult. If she can try to recognize the |
| starts yelling at her too. He is at the end of his rope | | | | cause and realize that she is not the reason for his |
| and believes those who should care are not | | | | actions can be very helpful to her. Because she will |
| considerate of him. | | | | have a greater understanding for what is going on. If |
| She in turn thinks. "How can he treat me that way?" | | | | she can even learn to endure the abuse and not pass |
| Why doesn't he understand what I have been | | | | it on is the best thing she can do. To be kind, to him, |
| through this day? Why doesn't he ever see all that I | | | | when he is not being kind is the greatest gift she can |
| do? Why does he only see what I don't do? | | | | give to him. Even when it seems he doesn't deserve |
| So she in turn gets angry back with him or punishes | | | | it. It has been said, "He who is most unloving, needs |
| him in other ways. She turns herself away from him. | | | | love the most!" |
| She stops talking to him. Chooses to not do things | | | | Most women lack this ability. They want to fight |
| for him, because he doesn't understand her. She feels | | | | back and think "It's not fair" To think, "He's abusing |
| sorry for herself and becomes depressed. Etc, Etc, | | | | me!" "I don't deserve this." Rather than being a safe |
| Etc. | | | | haven for their man, they add to the pressure. They |
| There is no understanding on either side. The worst | | | | pay him back. They abuse in their own way. They |
| part is that when we feel abused or neglected we | | | | yell back, argue or turn themselves off and quite |
| tend for forget the good parts of our mate. We only | | | | talking to him. |
| see the bad. We only see our partner's flaws and | | | | I am not saying women should be a door mate or |
| mistakes. We tend to forget our own mistakes. | | | | accept any kind of abuse. But being able to withstand |
| We each want perfection from our mate when we | | | | unkindness because someone is hurting inside and to |
| are not perfect! | | | | not take it personal is the healthiest thing she can do |
| To make an analogy: If your young son went to | | | | for herself and for her mate. |
| school and was made fun of, by the other kids, was | | | | I have directed these suggestions to women but the |
| misunderstood by the teacher, found school hard and | | | | same ideas are how men should treat their women. |
| didn't get the help he needed. He is really hurting. He | | | | They should show the same kindness and |
| comes home angry and wants to fight with his | | | | understanding toward their wives. |
| siblings, gets sent to his room, for being a brat. He | | | | Also, I know there are many women out there |
| feels that no one, at home, loves or understands him | | | | trying to survive too. In our world many women are |
| either and he just gets more angry and frustrated. | | | | facing the same stress's as men. My thoughts can be |
| We need to understand the cause of our loved ones | | | | used for both husband and wife. |
| actions. Every action has a cause! We very seldom | | | | I offer my encouragement to you. I have |
| take the time to fine the cause. To understand the | | | | discovered; "after the trials come the blessings." I |
| cause and to do what we can to help eliminate or at | | | | encourage you to give these thoughts a try. You |
| lease understand the cause is what we should do. | | | | may find that, one day, your husband or mate will |
| Instead we react to their actions, not realizing "their | | | | say, "thank you for sticking by me. Thank you for |
| actions are the result of a cause". We need to love | | | | being there for me." You may also discover that your |
| them enough to understand them. | | | | love has grown. It is possible that you marriage will |
| To be an understanding wife, when her husband is | | | | become the one you always hoped for. It happened |
| acting out, is difficult because she tends to take his | | | | that way for me. |
| actions toward her as abuse. It is, but she fails to | | | | These are things I have learned from being a wife of |
| recognize the reasons for why he acts as he does. | | | | over 47 years. |
| She needs to understand the cause. To allow him to | | | | These are things I have learned from being a wife of |
| vent when he needs to. | | | | over 47 years. |